see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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