oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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