i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
