She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Randomize
