He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
