Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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