Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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