I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
