i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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