I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
