how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
