I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
