PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
