i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
