Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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