I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
