Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
