the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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