Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
