I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I intend to get homeless drunk
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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