remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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