I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
