giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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