You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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