Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
i need some magic done to my vagina
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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