After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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