she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
