Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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