i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
