So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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