You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
