The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
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