I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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