remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
