my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
