You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
