I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
