No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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