I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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