I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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