this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
