I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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