I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
