well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
