I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
