So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
