I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Every concussion has its silver lining
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
third nipple confirmed
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
