You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
