There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Randomize
