that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
