I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
we're so committed to being not committed
Randomize
