Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
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