She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
