No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Randomize