Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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