well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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