FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
