i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
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