I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
