first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
worst night to have a conscience
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
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