Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
