marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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